Deep Cuts
by forgotten-rose-b
Summary: Namine joins the islands and both boys seem to fall for her. will she get in the way of their relationship, or make it stronger? what happens to their relationship with Kairi? On the other side, Cloud is confused with his relationships warning: yaoi, angs
1. Cute Smiles and a broken wrist?

Fr: well I hope you like this… it's my first fanfic. And I'm sorry if you don't like depressing stories. If you don't then why the hell are you here?

Disclaimer: as if I could own something as awesome as Kingdom hearts

**Chapter 1: Cute Smiles and a broken wrist?**

"FUCK!" Namine screamed while laughing. She was now sitting on the concrete ground, caressing her wrist.

"I guess skate-boarding isn't your thing" Riku smirked.

"No Riku, I think teaching's not your thing" Sora butted in. Riku rolled his eyes and Kairi giggled.

"You're so funny Sora!" Kairi exclaimed, placing a hand on Sora's shoulder.

Namine rolled her eyes and smiled knowingly. "Is someone going to help me up now?" she asked. Riku and Sora both rushed over to her and held out their hands. Namine grabbed Riku's hand, but only because her other wrist hurt. Sora scowled at Riku. Riku stuck out his tongue out at Sora and helped Namine stand.

"So have you enjoyed your first week here on the islands?" Riku asked politely.

"Yeah, it's been great! Mom's decided to stay!" Namine replied. "Oh and you can call me Naz."

"That's way cool! Naz! Ha-ha, Naz! I love it!" Sora said over enthusiastically. Naz looked at him weirdly and Riku smirked. Kairi laughed nervously, not knowing whether it was meant to be funny or not.

"Anyway… how's your wrist Naz?" Riku asked in a sweet voice.

"Well it hurts… a lot… but I guess it'll be ok…"

"You're pretty tough, you know. I'm glad we're not dealing with tears. Like this one time, Sora was running really fast and there was a…"

"SHUT UP RIKU!" Sora butted in, punching the older teens arm as hard as he could. Riku laughed at his friend's attempt.

Kairi giggled and said "Hey guys, it's getting late and mom wants me home before dinner."

"Yeah, we should go too, Riku. Mom always makes a 'special dinner' for when we have guests." Sora rolled his eyes.

Namine rubbed her wrist and winced in pain. "Well it's no fun sitting here alone so I guess I'll have to leave too." She said, brightening her face. Sora scowled as Namine went to hug Riku. Next she hugged Kairi, and then finally, Sora. The Group said their goodbyes and headed off in different directions, except for Riku, who followed Sora.

** Later – Sora's house **

Sora and Riku arrived at Sora's house and opened the door to reveal a delightful scent. Sora's mother was making pasta bake.

"Just in time boys! Dinner's ready!" Sora's mother exclaimed. "Welcome Riku!"

"It's always a pleasure to eat here, uh… I mean, be here, Mrs. Strife"

Sora's mother chuckled. "Please, just call me Elle! How many times do I have to say that?"

"Right… well we should wash our hands" Sora said, dragging Riku away.

After they finished dinner, Riku and Sora played _Halo 2 _on Sora's Xbox.

"RIKU! Damn you! Why couldn't we be on the same team?" Sora shouted, pouting.

"Because it's more fun to kill _you_" Riku replied, smirking. The two teens had their eyes glued to the screen. Cloud started sneaking up behind Sora. He tripped over a carelessly placed magazine and cursed silently.

"Fuck off klutz!" Sora said, eyes still glued to the TV screen. Cloud mumbled something about pay-back and walked off.

"Why are you so mean to your big bro?" Riku asked, killing Sora once again.

"I'm always like this after 5 hours on my precious Xbox" Sora replied.

"Sora, I think it's time you got off now, honey" The voice of Sora's mom shocked the two teens.

"ARGH! I'm gonna get you for that Cloud!" Sora called out. "Just let us finish the game, mom, then we'll go to bed."

"Alright, but don't forget to brush those pearly whites!"

"Mooom!" Sora moaned. Elle chuckled and ruffled the brunette's hair.

Once the game was finished the two teens retreated to Sora's room. Elle had already set up the spare bed for Riku. Sora sat on his bed with a blank face. Riku sat on his bed watching Sora curiously. Sora started to smile. His cute and innocent smile gradually turned into a big stupid grin. Riku waved his hand his hand in front of his friends face.

"Sooooraaa…" Riku softly called out. Sora snapped back into focus and cleared his throat. "What were you thinking about?" Riku asked, trying not to laugh.

"Nothing… of importance"

"If it's not important, why won't you tell me?"

"Uh… I can't remember anymore." Sora said, distracting himself with his pillow. Sora then snuggled under his covers. Riku sighed and lay down. Sora turned off the light, but lay awake, thinking.

** Inside Sora's head **

I know she's only been here a week, but I can't help feeling like this. But why is it so strong? I used to have a crush on Kairi, but I've never felt like this before… I just can't help, but be sucked in to her sparkling blue eyes… and her smooth soft hair, a perfect color. It's the most amazing blonde possible. I love the way it flows, just passing her shoulders. Her skin is so fair, so delicate… so flawless…

Argh! Why do I feel like this? I can't stand it! Oh no... What if she doesn't like me? Crap… I acted like such an idiot today! She'll never like me! How am I supposed to act like myself when I'm such an idiot? She makes me so nervous.

If going to be normal again I'm going to have to avoid her. Right. But I need to see her… I love her, she's so sweet and pretty… did I just say that I love her? Well maybe I do…. I think I do…

** Normal P.O.V. **

Sora lay in silence until he felt something heavy on the end of his bed. He sat up to face the shadowed figure.

"What's up, Riku?" Sora asked sleepily.

"I wanna know what you were thinking about earlier."

Sora sighed. _I guess I should just tell him. I bet he can give me some advice _"well I was just thinking about… someone"

"Namine"

"It was that obvious?" Sora was shocked.

"Do you even think before you talk?"

"Well, yeah. It's just that… she makes me so nervous and I don't know how to act."

"Just be yourself and relax. If you can manage to make a conversation with her, I'm sure she'll like you and maybe even fall for you."

"Are you saying she doesn't like me now?" Sora asked, sounding very worried.

"No! Just trust me, ok? You better get to sleep now."

"You're right… better get to sleep before I hear you snoring!" Riku punched where he though Sora's arm was. He hit his target and Sora laughed. Riku returned to his bed and crawled into the covers. Sora still lay awake thinking of what he would say to Namine.

FR: well it all seems happy now, but what's going to happen later?

R&R and I shall write more. I update as often as I can


	2. The Beach

FR: I'm sorry this chapter took so long, but it is a long chapter and I do have a life you know… well I hope you enjoy it!

**Chapter 2 – The beach**

Sora moaned and sat up in his bed. He rubbed his eyes and saw Riku wasn't in bed. Sora moaned again and glanced at his clock. It was 9:23 am. With one last moan Sora pulled himself up and changed into clean clothes. He wandered into the kitchen to see Riku helping Elle make pancakes.

"Morning Sweetie" Elle chirped. Sora groaned as a reply.

Riku grinned. "Since you're up 'early' I was thinking we could go to the beach with the gang, including Namine."

All Sora could bother to say was "mmhmm" He started heading towards the fridge to get out juice. Midway through pouring a glass he realized what Riku had said. He was going out with Namine. The glass was overflowing, but Sora just stood in fear.

"Whoa! Sora!" Riku shouted, taking the juice carton away from the brunette. Sora was still in a trance.

"Sora, honey, what's wrong?" Elle kindly asked, touching Sora's back. Sora snapped out of it and shook his head.

"Nothing mom. So, Riku, when are we leaving?"

"After breakfast. Here." Riku said, handing Sora a plate of pancakes.

Cloud appeared just in time for breakfast. "So you're all going out? Is Sq- Leon going to be there? And maybe, Sephiroth might crawl out from the darkness to join us? " He asked, shoving as much of one pancake as possible in his mouth.

Riku gave Cloud a strange look. "Uh… I think so" He said.

"Cool… mind if I join?"

"No! Cloud!" Sora protested.

"It's not like I'm actually going to stay with you freaks!" Cloud protested back.

Sora saw Riku glaring at him. "Fine" Sora said in defeat.

They all finished their breakfast and said their goodbyes. Cloud was the only one considerate enough to kiss Elle on the forehead before leaving.

** At the beach **

"Sephiroth said he'd be here too" Riku told Sora.

"Isn't it cool that our brothers get along now?" Sora said happily.

"Yeah, but it's all thanks to Namine's brother Leon."

"Really? I didn't think they got along well… hmm" After Riku said that the entire group showed up. "Hey guys! How'd you all make it at the same time?" Sora asked with an almost smile.

"We all went to an early movie!" Selphie exclaimed, bouncing over to greet Riku and Sora.

"Sorry you couldn't make it man" Wakka said, directing his statement at Riku. Riku just nodded and waved. Sora faked a smile and eyed the group, but said nothing. He hadn't heard anything about going to the movies.

Wakka, Tidus and Selphie went off to play piggy in the middle, Riku decided to go swimming and Kairi and Namine wanted to sunbathe. Namine stripped down to a red bikini and Sora went bright pink. All he could do was stare at her perfectly shaped body. She smiled at him and waved. Sora turned away and stripped to board shorts. Riku, already dressed, tackled Sora into the water in a showoff fashion. The two girls giggled at his attempt.

"I don't think Sora likes me, Kairi" Namine said sadly.

"Don't worry, I'm sure he does" Kairi said pathetically.

"Well Riku seems… nice"

"You like him! Don't you!" Kairi demanded, sitting up.

"Well he's goddamn hot, that's for sure." Namine answered, not bothering to sit up.

Kairi smiled "go for it! He's free!"

Namine returned the smile. "What about you?"

"What?" Kairi asked in an unusually high voice, lying down again.

"Oh come on! It's so obvious! Just tell him Kai!"

Kairi went red. "Well… I don't know"

"If you tell Sora you like him, then I'll tell Riku that I like him."

"Well… it's different…" Kairi replied. Namine sat up and looked at her curiously. "I think it's more than a crush…I… I'm in love with him"

"Wow. How long have you felt like this?" Namine lay down again.

"About… three years"

"Wow… all the more reason! So it's a deal?" Namine asked hopefully.

"Hmm. I guess."

"Yes! Now let's sit back and enjoy the topless view!"

"You're so perverted Naz!"

"Mmm, but you have to admit it's sexy!" The two girls laughed, sat up and watched the two boys play in the water. They were wrestling and Riku occasionally glanced over to smile and wave. The two girls laughed when he did this as shortly after he was tackled by Sora.

** Another part of the beach **

Leon, Cloud and Sephiroth were walking down the beach in silence. Cloud looked around and decided to sit and rest on the soft, golden sand. Leon sat on his right and Sephiroth sat on his left. Their cozy spot was underneath a palm tree, not close enough to touch the water.

Cloud picked up a handful of sand and sifted it through his fingers. Sephiroth found a dead leaf that floated over from a nearby bush. He picked it up and crushed it in his fist. Leon sighed and leaned back on his hands. He looked over at Cloud and smiled. Cloud felt someone watching him and looked over to see Leon's smile. Leon flicked his head away and smiled to himself, thinking about Cloud.

After a few minutes of silence Leon stood up and walked over to the water. He flicked off his shoes and gently kicked the water around.

Cloud took something out of his pocket and fiddled with it. Sephiroth watched him curiously. Without a word, Cloud dropped the item and ran over to join Leon. Sephiroth picked up the strange item. It was a heavy, unbendable envelope with neat letters on the front. The gold letters spelled out "song for Sephiroth". Cloud was the best writer that anyone knew. But why would he write a song for Sephiroth? Sephiroth brushed back his long hair. He pocketed the curious item and slowly headed over to join Leon and Cloud.

** Back at the other beach **

Sora and Riku were still wrestling in the water while Kairi and Namine still watched.

"How's your wrist Namine?" Kairi asked.

"Well it still hurts, but no biggie" Namine replied. Kairi gave her a worried look, but then continued to drool over Sora.

"Isn't it funny how my boyfriend-to-be has way better abs than your boyfriend-to-be?" Namine teased.

"Yeah…" Kairi smiled at the thought of Sora as her boyfriend. This sent Namine into hysterics. Kairi only just realized what she said. Her face turned bright red and she stood up to face her friend. "Hey! … Shut up!" was all Kairi could think of to say. Namine only laughed even harder.

"But it's true!" Namine continued to laugh. Kairi sighed. "Well do you want to go into the water now?"

Kairi sighed again. "Sure"

The two girls got up and ran toward the water. Namine went u behind Riku and threw her arms around him. Sora tackled him, taking advantage of a nonmoving target, but without realizing that Namine was behind him. He saw Namine's arms, but it was too late. Sora had already lunged forward. He made contact with Riku and all three of them fell into the water. Sora quickly backed away from Riku and Riku quickly got up and turned to face Namine. Namine emerged halfway from the salty water. She started coughing out water. Riku rushed over to her and put his arm around her shoulder. Sora still stood in shock and horror.

"Are you ok?" Riku asked, very worried. Namine was still coughing, harder with each second. She had one arm across her stomach and her other hand was holding her head. She looked like she was about to vomit.

Sora was still horrified. "I'm really sorry!" he called out. He was starting to cry, so he ran off to be alone.

Kairi was stuck with a decision. Stay to see if her best friend was ok or comfort poor Sora. She ran after Sora. Kairi chased after the brunette until he finally collapsed next to a rock in the grass. Sora buried his face in his knees.

"It's ok" Kairi said soothingly. "She knows you didn't mean it." Sora didn't dare look up and show Kairi his tears.

"Sora, I know you feel bad, but it's ok. She's not hurt" Kairi didn't know this for sure, but she wanted Sora to uncurl and talk to her. "She's fine and she knows that you didn't mean it. It's ok, Sora." Kairi couldn't think of anything else to say.

"But they all hate me!" Sora said between sobs. Kairi hadn't thought about this. She only knew that she could never hate him. She wasn't going to let him feel bad.

"I don't hate you Sora! No one can hate for that! It was an accident, Sora!"

Sora lifted his head and wiped his eyes with the back of his hand. He sniffed and looked up at Kairi. She held out her hand and helped Sora stand. Sora sniffed again and dusted himself off. Kairi wrapped her arms around his neck and hugged him tightly. Shocked, Sora put one arm around Kairi's waist and gently returned the hug. Kairi never wanted to let go, but she eventually had to break off to avoid weird thoughts from Sora.

"So are you ready to go back now?" Kairi asked. Sora nodded and Kairi led the way back to the beach. When they reached their old spot they saw that Riku and Namine weren't there anymore. Sora walked up to Tidus, Wakka and Selphie.

"Do you know where Naz went? And Riku?" Sora asked to any of them.

"They told me to tell you they'd be back soon. They went for a walk" Tidus informed Sora, holding the ball, pausing the game he was previously playing.

"Ok. Thanks Tidus." Sora waved. He went and sat by the water. He didn't feel like swimming again.

"I have to find a bathroom. I'll be back in a minute" Kairi told Sora. The brunette nodded and watched Kairi walk off.

Fifteen minutes passed and Kairi wasn't back yet. _I'll wait a bit longer. It's not like there's anything dangerous around here._ Another thirty minutes passed and still no Kairi, Riku or Namine.

_They ditched me! I can't believe it! They've been planning this for ages! What about when they all went to the movies together! And I thought Riku was different because he turned them down and stayed with me. Well he's proven that theory wrong!_

_That isn't the only other time! They completely ignore me when I contribute to a conversation! People think I'm quiet, but that just because they don't want to fucking listen! Apparently they control my personality now! _

_I bet Tidus, Wakka and Selphie decided to play a THREE person game just so that I couldn't join! Now Riku's gone off with Namine! I told him I love her! He's a fucking bastard! Who knows what they're doing! He's doing this on purpose! I already knew Namine hated me, but how much longer was Riku planning to keep PRETENDING to be my best friend! _

_FUCK! I'm starting to cry. ARGH! No one will notice anyway! They don't care about me! No one does! And all those kids dream of being invisible. I used to be one of them. Well I got my fucking wish! Now all I want is to take it back! Save that shooting star for another stupid fucking kid! Argh! I need to hit something! Really hard! Right now!_

"Sora, man, it's getting late. Selphie, Tidus and I are going home" Wakka called out, heading home.

"Ok, wait up!" Sora shouted back.

"Oh… I thought you were going to wait for Riku, Namine and Kairi, ya?" Wakka called out again.

Sora gritted his teeth and stood up. He turned to face the ocean. He kicked a large amount of sand as hard as he could. That was stupid. The wind blew half of straight back into his eyes. Sora screamed and threw himself to the ground. He screamed louder until he couldn't breathe. He curled up and hit his head on his knees a few times. Sora was fed up. Fed up with his friends. Fed up with being ignored. Fed up with everything.

Sora decided he wasn't going to wait for his friends any longer. He wandered over to the road and dusted the sand off his legs and feet. He slipped on his shoes and started down the black path. It was only just starting to get dark.

Sora took a deep breath and ran as far as he could. The point where he ran out of air was near Riku's house. Sora could see someone lying in the grass of Riku's perfect green lawn. Riku loved to stargaze, but who was that? Sephiroth? It couldn't be Riku, could it? He was still at the beach…right?

Sora neared the large house, curious about the strange figure. The figure sat up and waved at Sora. It WAS Riku, but why was he home? Sora arrived at Riku's house.

"Hey Riku. When did you get home?" Sora asked as calmly as he could.

"About fifteen minutes ago" Riku replied simply. Sora couldn't think of a valid response. All angry thoughts were rushing through his head. Riku patted the soft grass indicating for Sora to sit next to him. Sora followed his request.

"Sora… I need to tell you something, but promise me you won't get mad"

_Well duh, if you say that it means I'm going to be super angry. _"I promise"

Riku sighed heavily and stroked one hand through his silver hair. "I think I like Namine"

"I knew it! Why would I be angry?" Sora replied. _So that's why he ran off with her. _Sora was even more infuriated than before.

"Aren't you angry because neither of us can go out with her now?" Riku asked and turned his head away.

"What? I don't see why I can't." Sora was trying so hard to hold back his anger.

"Because I'm your best friend" Riku replied, turning his head to face Sora. "And you know I wouldn't do that to you… I know how much it hurts, so I don't know why you'd do it to me" Riku was pulling the best friend act.

"Ok… so I'm in love with her, but you don't even know if you fully like her. How would it hurt if you don't even know? I've cried for her, I'd die for her, but you don't even know if you like her?" Sora was still holding back so much.

"Sora… I… Well, if it helps, she told me who she likes" Riku said in an almost persuasive voice.

"Of course it helps! Knowing she trusts you more than me _really _helps!" Sora said sarcastically. "But seriously, who is it?"

"I'm sorry Sora, but I can't tell you." Riku turned away again "I promised her"

"But… you just said… Well if I guess it right will you tell me?" Sora asked hopefully.

"Maybe"

"Is it you?"

"No"

"Tidus?"

"No"

"You?"

"NO!"

"Wakka?" Sora went through a long repetitive list with "no" as an answer for every name. Sora never mentioned himself though. Sora finally gave up. "Well it's getting late, I should probably go home. I'll bug you again tomorrow"

"You forgot someone" Riku stated calmly. Sora thought for a moment.

"Me?" He asked in a small voice.

"Maybe" Riku said, smirking. "Well I've gotta get inside now. Bye Sora." With that, Riku got up and disappeared inside his large house.

_Could it really be me? _Sora kept repeating in his head for the whole walk home. Then he started getting upset again about how he is always ignored and abandoned. He couldn't shake off the thought that he could never go out with Namine anyway.

When he got home Cloud was sitting at the table and Elle was just setting dinner down. Sora took his place at the table without a word.

"Sora, honey, what's wrong?" Elle asked, not looking.

"Fine mom, just tired." Sora replied. Cloud also looked a bit upset. All three of them ate their dinner in silence.

As soon as they were finished, Cloud ran out of the dining room, around the corner and into his room. Sora got up slowly and washed his plate. Then he left the kitchen and headed for his room. He stopped in front of Cloud's room. He could hear music coming from within it. Cloud's songs would always cheer Sora up.

Sora sat next to the door of Cloud's room and listened. Another song just started. Sora had heard all of Cloud's songs before, but this was a new one. Sora liked the sound of it already, so he listened closely for the lyrics.

_It's probably about Leon _Sora joked to himself. The voice started. Cloud was singing along to his own song so it was easier to understand.

_6 bottles went down the drain,  
one hours waste of time,  
I'd ask if you feel the same,  
still pushing that chance to try, _

'**So he's in love?'**

_  
your breath in this cool room chill,  
long hair that blows side to side, _

'**Long hair?'**

_  
you speak and make time stand still,  
and each time you walk right on by..._

Like violence you have me, forever, and after  
Like violence you kill me, forever and after.

Can't count all the eyes that stare,  
can't count all the things they see, 

'**Why would people stare…'**

_  
he kills with no life to spare,  
just victims are left to bleed, _

'**He?'**

_  
one drink and the pain goes down,  
soft shadows lay by his feet,  
lay soft as you slowly drown,  
lay still as you fall asleep. (Fall asleep)_

'**Since when does Cloud Drink?'**__

Like violence you have me, forever, and after  
Like violence you kill me, forever and after.  
(And after…and after…and after)

Like violence you have me, forever, and after  
Like violence you kill me…  
Like violence you have me, forever, and after  
Like violence you kill me…

Like violence you have me, forever, and after  
Like violence you kill me, forever and after.  
Like violence you have me, forever, and after  
Like violence you kill me, forever and after.

_He? Long hair? People staring? Is this about Sephiroth? _Sora was very confused _poor Cloud… he's smitten with a straight, emotionless bastard._

Sora decided to go talk to his older brother. He knocked on the door and called out Cloud's name. The music immediately stopped and there was a rattling at the door.

The door opened and Cloud appeared. His blonde hair was not as spiky as usual; it looked messed up. His bright blue eyes were bloodshot, as though he'd been crying.

Cloud and Sora had a strong bond even if they swear at each other and fight a lot. Sora knew he could always talk to his brother and Cloud knew he could always talk to Sora.

Cloud stepped aside, signaling that Sora could enter. Sora walked in to a familiar territory. The walls and roof of Cloud's room were the same creamy color. The floor was wooden with many marks and dents in it. His double bed was never made. He had four guitars leaning against one wall. In one corner was a desk with a fairly new looking computer on top. Cloud's room was big enough for five people to sleep in.

Sora walked up to the desk and pulled out a black leather chair. He sat on it and watched Cloud move to his bed and sit on it.

"So you heard the song?" Cloud asked, emotionless.

"Yeah, it's great! I love it! But what's it about?" Sora asked. He thought he already knew the answer.

"You honestly can't tell?" Cloud looked a little bit worried. He was afraid that Sephiroth wouldn't get it.

Sora didn't want to look like an idiot, but he was going to answer anyway. "Is it about… Sephiroth?"

Cloud sighed. He looked relieved and embarrassed at the same time. "Yeah, it is. I gave him a copy with the lyrics today."

"That was dumb" Sora blurted out without thinking. Cloud's face went bright red.

"I just wanted him to know how I feel… even if he doesn't feel the same" Cloud looked away from Sora.

Sora was amazed at how open and honest Cloud was with him. Sora wouldn't even tell Cloud about his first kiss or even that he'd hugged a girl, and yet, here was Cloud spilling his guts about being gay.

A huge mix of emotions forced Sora to rush over to his brother and hug him. Sora had the most confusing day. He had experienced every emotion possible all in one day. He held on to Cloud tightly. Cloud returned the hug, confused by Sora's random action. He felt hot tears seep through his shirt on his left shoulder.

FR: so… did you like it? It took me forever! And I broke my magic pen! Nooo! Well I taped it up and it's healing. For those who are confused about the pen it is the pen I write my entire story with. It's magic because… it just is!

So yeah R&R and I've started on chapter three! But… I'll only type it if I get good reviews!


	3. Rainy Day

FR: Well some things start to happen in this chapter. Last chap was nothing and this is a good one and there are even better ones to come so stay tuned.

Well I can't reply on this, but I will answer questions. Too bad, so sad, no questions. On with the chapter!

Sorry it took so long, I blame the school!

**Chapter 3 – rainy day**

Sora got up and dressed as usual. He looked out his bedroom window to see a dark, cloudy sky. Sora decided to bug his older brother today. He left his room and headed for Cloud's. He looked through the open door, but he wasn't in there. Sora then headed for the kitchen. Still no Cloud. Sora checked every room of the house, but found no-one. He looked out the front of his house. His mother's car was gone.

"Argh! Where are they?" Sora yelled to at the air. Since he was alone he could call Namine and tell her how he feels… No, that would be VERY stupid! Being home alone was boring, and he was dieing to hear Namine's sweet, angelic voice... maybe just a quick chat won't hurt…

Sora dizzily walked to the phone and picked it up. He had memorized Namine's number the day she gave it to him. He dialed the number and listened to it ring. He suddenly froze with fear. He didn't think of a reason to call her or what to say. He was about to hang up, but it was too late.

"Hello?" Namine's sweet voice was ringing through his ears, making his stomach dance.

_Say something you frikin idiot_ "Erm, hey Namine. It's Sora."

"Oh hey Sora… what's up?"

"I uh… I just wanted to say sorry about yesterday. Are you ok?" _nice_.

"Aw, how sweet! I'm fine, nothing that won't heal." Sora restrained from squealing at the word 'sweet'.

"Oh… that's good…" After nothing but small talk they both hung up. The happy Sora decided to go see her, just to be sure that she was really alright. Or maybe it was just to see her face. He went his room, grabbed a jacket and dashed out the front door. It was still raining. Sora could have sworn it started raining harder as soon as he stepped outside. It was almost like a sign, but nothing could stop Sora from seeing Namine. He didn't feel the need for an umbrella so he just walked without one. Sora slowly made his way to Namine's house, which wasn't far from his own.

When he reached the front door he got very nervous. He knocked quietly on the front door. After deciding it wasn't loud enough Sora raised his hand again. Before Sora had the chance to touch the door it was gone and Leon took its place. Sora dropped his arm and smiled up at Leon. Leon smiled back and ran a hand through his smooth brown hair.

"I guess you're here to see Namine. She's in her room with Riku". Leon and Sora both frowned at "Riku". Leon had something against Sephiroth, which lead to an unfair hatred toward his younger brother. He constantly told himself that what Sephiroth had said and done was only a joke, but he just couldn't help the way he felt. Leon couldn't help but to feel it ran in the family too. Riku and Sephiroth lived together since their parents died. Sephiroth was old enough to be Riku's legal guardian. Leon knew that Riku really looked up to Sephiroth, which means he would have a big influence on Riku.

Sora was confused at why Riku was at Namine's house. _I guess he just wants to see if she's ok too… _Sora snapped out of his thoughts and looked at Leon again. "Oh, ok. Where's her room?" Leon smiled and ruffled the teen's hair.

"I'll show you" Leon stepped aside and let Sora in. He shut the door behind them and began to lead the way. The hallway seemed endless to Sora. He was surrounded by darkness, walking forward only to see Namine. A voice called to him and a door appeared.

"Sora? Are you alright? This is her room." Leon said softly. He wondered why the door was shut. He frowned and turned the circular knob slowly. With one fast motion he pushed the door open. What Leon and Sora saw shocked and horrified them both.

Namine was sitting across Riku's lap, who was on the bed. Riku hands up Namine's shirt and they were engaged in what looked like a very passionate kiss. They both immediately broke away when the door opened. Sora spun around before they could see and ran out of the house. Leon turned red with anger and hate. Namine quickly got off Riku and straightened her top. Leon was too angry to say anything for a minute.

"Riku!" he finally screamed. "Get out of my house!"

Riku just stood there, stunned. He knew Leon didn't like him, but he could never figure out why. No-one had ever heard Leon yell before, except for Namine. However even Namine knew it was rare. Leon looked like he was about to kill Riku.

"NOW!"

Riku slowly walked out the door, never daring to take his eyes off Leon. As soon as he was out he bolted down the street.

"You are never going to see that boy again! Do you hear me?"

"Who are you? My mother?"

"I am not gay!"

"I never said that"

"Right… erm… don't talk to me like that! What would Aerith think if she saw you with… him?"

"She would support me! Sisters are more fun than brothers." With that Namine sat on her bed and folded her arms. She had no idea how much that hurt Leon. They had always been so close. Namine used to always tell Leon how much she liked him better than Aerith. Leon's face went redder with anger.

"I can't wait to see the look on mom and dad's faces when I tell them" he stated calmly.

"You wouldn't!" Namine stood up and clenched her fists. Leon raised his eyebrows, clearly amused. Fear struck Namine.

"Well I can't help it if it _slips_ out" Leon's anger passed to Namine. She knew his game and she wasn't going to cave in.

"Well I can't help it if my FIST _slips_ onto your face!"

"Number one: that didn't make sense. Number two: you couldn't hit me no matter how hard you tried!"

Namine lunged forward, ready to strike. Leon grabbed both of her wrists. She didn't give up. She aimed for his knee caps and kicked hard. She didn't try _too_ hard or go any higher because she was too afraid to hurt him.

"I have to see him you fucking idiot! What would Sora and Kairi think if I told them I can't hang out with them anymore because I'm not allowed to see _Riku_?" Namine screamed.

"Sora saw you, bitch!" Namine stopped struggling. Her face went blank. "That's right you stupid retard, he came to see you"

"Shut up dickhead! I hate you! You're making it up! You're such a fucking asshole!" Namine screamed again.

Leon let go of her wrists. "Why don't you go ahead and pretend nothing happened tomorrow. You know he liked you as more than a friend, although I don't know why. It's your own fault that you've ruined another friendship. It's your fault that you became a slut."

Namine never knew that Sora liked her. These harsh words from Leon hurt more than she could imagine. Before Leon could see her weakness she ran off to hide her tears.

** Out on the street **

Sephiroth wandered down the street, kicking puddles of rain along the way. He didn't care how wet he got. His long silver hair was soaked with rain, but still blew delicately in the slight wind. The song 'Violence' was running through his head. Sephiroth had no idea that Cloud felt like that. Sephiroth was very good at hiding emotions other than anger. He always had a thing for Cloud, but never did anything about it in fear that the feelings were not mutual.

There was a figure approaching Sephiroth. Sephiroth couldn't tell who it was because the heavy rain made it hard to see. He kept walking down the path. The figure had hair that was flat, but stuck out in an odd way. Sephiroth kept walking. The figure finally came close enough to see a face. It was Cloud, just the man Sephiroth was looking for. Cloud was looking down. Sephiroth smiled for the first time in years. Sephiroth walked faster and stopped in front of Cloud. Cloud lifted his head and saw Sephiroth. Cloud became uncomfortable. He never found out how Sephiroth felt but he was sure his feelings for Sephiroth were not mutual. Cloud gave a small, hopeful smile to Sephiroth. Sephiroth froze for a moment. Cloud put his hands in his pockets and his smile faded. He thought Sephiroth didn't like him. He was about to turn around and go home. Before Cloud could turn Sephiroth wrapped his arms around Cloud's waist. Cloud gasped in surprise. He took his hands out of his pockets and put his arms around Sephiroth's neck.

The cold rain was running through their hair and down their faces. Sephiroth leaned in and caressed Cloud's lips, using his own. Cloud closed his eyes and returned the kiss. He ran his tongue along Sephiroth's lip. Sephiroth opened his mouth and let Cloud's tongue explore. Sephiroth rubbed his tongue along Cloud's. The warmth of their mouths together was comforting compared to the cold rain. The kiss continued to grow more passionate.

** The Strife's house **

Sora had locked himself in his room and was curled up in a corner. It didn't matter if his eyes were open or closed, all he could see was his best friend and his love together. He slowly crawled to his closet. He opened it and pulled out a notebook and a pen. Sora had a strange feeling. He felt like he needed to write… all of these words were flooding to him. His mind was beginning to make a story with the image. A story that continued from the time he was there, as though he were watching the whole time. The words he was beginning to write shocked him.

_I'm coming out of my cage  
And I've been doing just fine  
Gotta gotta gotta be down  
Because I want it all  
It started out with a kiss  
How did it end up like this  
It was only a kiss, it was only a kiss  
Now I'm falling asleep  
And she's calling a cab  
While he's having a smoke  
And she's taking a drag_

**Sora's imagination was starting to go wild**

_  
Now they're going to bed  
And my stomach is sick  
And it's all in my head  
But she's touching his chest  
Now, he takes off her dress  
Now, let me go_

I just can't look its killing me  
And taking control

**This was the first time Sora knew his feelings; the first time he expressed them through writing.**

_  
Jealousy, turning saints into the sea  
swimming through sick lullabies  
Choking on your alibis_

**He knew they would make excuses.**

_  
But it's just the price I pay  
Destiny is calling me  
Open up my eager eyes_

**Sora knew he had to look at this positively. He remembered when he was younger and things used to go wrong. His mom would always call him 'Mr. Brightside'. Sora could find good in almost anything.**

_  
'Cause I'm Mr. Brightside_

I'm coming out of my cage  
And I've been doing just fine  
Gotta gotta gotta be down  
Because I want it all  
It started out with a kiss  
How did it end up like this  
It was only a kiss, it was only a kiss  
Now I'm falling asleep  
And she's calling a cab  
While he's having a smoke  
And she's taking a drag  
Now they're going to bed  
And my stomach is sick  
And it's all in my head  
But she's touching his—chest  
Now, he takes off her dress  
Now, let me go

I just can't look its killing me  
And taking control  
Jealousy, turning saints into the sea  
Swimming through sick lullabies  
Choking on your alibi  
But it's just the price I pay  
Destiny is calling me  
Open up my eager eyes  
'Cause I'm Mr. Brightside

I never...  
I never...  
I never...

_I never..._

_(Mr. Brightside by the killers)_

There were so many things Sora could have put after 'I never' but he decided not to. He began looking through his closet again. Sora had no clue as to what he was looking for, until he found it. He pulled out a red pencil sharpener. He went back to his corner and sat down next to the book. He began to unscrew the bolt holing the blade in. Finally Sora held a shiny, sharp blade in his hand. He rested his left arm on his leg and le it sit calmly. Sora held the blade close to his skin. He pressed it in and dragged it down in a vertical line. The pain was oddly relieving. He had not pressed hard enough to make it bleed much. Sora was calmed and amused by the pain. He tried it again. This time he pushed the blade deeper. The intensified pain was even more relieving. A single bead of blood rolled down his arm and dripped onto the open notebook.

There was a noise downstairs. Someone was home. Quickly Sora closed the book and shoved everything back into the closet. He looked down at his arm. _Shit!_ Sora grabbed a black jacket and pulled it on. He took a deep breath and left the safety of his room.

Sora walked to entrance to greet whoever just walked in. He turned the corner to face a scruffy Elle with a pale ghastly face. Her hair looked like it hadn't been brushed in a week. She never wore lipstick, but black marks trailing from her eyes indicated she was crying. She no longer had shoes on and her feet looked raw. Clearly she had upset and threw off her heels to run. But why? Sora gasped in shock. He didn't know what to do, so he watched his mother stagger to her room and collapse on her bed, holding herself tightly.

** Back on the street **

Riku was still running from Leon even though he was far from the house. Panting all the way down the street he saw a dark figure. He recognized the silver hair – it was Sephiroth!

"Sephy!" Riku called out, still running. Because of the rain Riku slipped and skidded on his palms. Quickly he got up and continued his journey to Sephiroth.

"Sephy, I am so glad to see you!" Riku said as he hugged his big brother tightly. Sephiroth was too mesmerized by the kiss and confused by Riku to reply. "You see… I was… But Leon… Why are you in the rain? With him? What happened to your hair Cloud?" Riku raised an eyebrow and backed away from the very wet and strangely happy Sephiroth. Cloud went red and felt it was Sephy's duty to explain… or make something up. Sephiroth's eyes went wide and he turned to Cloud for backup. Riku gained a sly smile.

"Ok… I think I know what's going on here." Cloud and Sephiroth exchanged worried and confused glances. "If you let me try some I swear I won't report you" After Riku said this Cloud and Sephiroth wee even more confused and worried than before. Cloud burst out laughing and Sephiroth went bright red. Sephy hoped that Riku had no idea what he was talking about. After Cloud saw the embarrassment on Sephiroth's face he shut up. Sephiroth nodded as thanks and turned to Riku.

"Riku, honestly I don't know what you're talking about"

"Just tell me what it is… cocaine? Marijuana?"

Sephiroth's eyes went wider. He realized what Riku had been thinking. He took a deep breath and sighed with relief.

"Go home Riku… we'll talk about your addiction later… strange brother."

FR: yay that's it! I've already started chapter 4, but I probably won't finish for ages. I will tell you the title to make you want to read it though! It's called "more love confessions" but I might change it.

R&R – you have no idea how happy it makes me!


	4. More love confessions

Sorry for such a long wait, but I've been kind of busy and then I got really sick. I'm ok now and I found some spare time to type this chapter. Thank you all for being so patient and now I present to you the fourth chapter of "Deep cuts".

But before we begin I would like to apologize for not pointing out where make out scenes in the last chapter where. didn't put the symbols into the story at all. Sorry if you didn't like reading that bit so I'm warning you now that it's a bit worse in this chapter. Please read it though because it has parts in-between that are important to the story.

Bear with me because I have many more chapters to go and everything is about to change. Pretty much she rarely appears in the story anymore, she is just mentioned. Maybe Sora still loves her, maybe Riku never liked her, Maybe Sora doesn't like her; you'll never find out unless you read.

Sorry for all that but now on with the story.

**Chapter 4 – More love confessions**

Another day, another drama, such is life for the Strife family. Sora lied on his bed staring at the ceiling. He had only been bothered to half change, even though it was cold without a shirt. He held out his arm and looked at the fresh cuts he had just made. Sora knew he couldn't stay inside forever. He had to get out. He wandered to his drawers and pulled out a black t-shirt and slipped it on. Next he put on the same black jacket he had on the day before. He left his room and headed for the family room. Once again Sora was alone in the house. He sighed and sat on the couch. The phone started ringing in the background. Sora groaned and got up again. He hurried to the phone and picked it up.

"Hello?" Sora said in his happiest voice.

"Hey Sora! It's Kairi." Kairi replied in a bubbly tone.

"Oh, hey Kai… what's up?"

"I was just wandering if you wanted to hang out today… just us?" Sora had no idea that Kairi was actually trying to ask him out on a date.

"I don't think I should go without my mom's permission, and she's not here right now. But you could come over if you want."

"Really? That would be so cool! Um, how soon do you want me over?"

"Come now" Sora thought the Company would cheer him up.

"Ok, I'll be right there!" It was so nice to have a friend like Kairi. Sora knew he could trust her with anything.

Sora sat down again and turned on the TV. He flicked through channels until Kairi knocked on the door. Sora let her in and led her back to the family room. Sora sat down and tapped on the couch out of boredom. Kairi was sitting upright and looked uncomfortable. Sora turned to look at her, but said nothing.

"You know Sora there's something I've been meaning to tell you." Kairi said not daring to look at Sora. Fear rushed through her. It was too late to stop now. Sora blinked, waiting for Kairi to continue. Kairi froze so Sora decided to encourage her to continue.

"Go on, I'm listening."

"Promise you won't get mad… or hate me"

"I promise" Sora assured her with a smile. He was also a little scared because of what happened last time someone had big news and asked him not to get mad.

"Ok… well… I…" Kairi breathed deeply and closed her eyes. She turned to face Sora and slowly opened her eyes while lifting her head. She saw Sora's stunning blue eyes and perfect soft lips. Kairi had gotten to the point where she could no longer control herself. She quickly leaned over and kissed Sora. Sora didn't know how to react. He didn't want to kiss her back, but he was also too shocked to push her away. Kairi noticed Sora wasn't returning the kiss so she pulled away. She looked at Sora to see a confused face.

"Sora, I'm so sorry." Kairi's eyes filled with tears. Sora saw her sad face.

"No, Kairi…" Kairi stood up and started to back away. "Don't be."

"But I… and you don't…" Kairi turned and ran, tears pouring down her face.

** At the beach **

Clouds and Leon were sitting in the sand, just enjoying the ocean sounds. Both of them were lost in their own worlds. Leon's world was Cloud. He noticed Cloud smiling happily. Seeing Cloud smile made Leon smile.

"Why are you so happy today? I've never seen you smile." Leon asked Cloud.

"Well… I'm just happy. That's all there is to it. Why are you so happy?"

_Because I'm here with you. _"Because… well I don't need a reason." Cloud eyed Leon, but then went back to watching the waves.

"Cloud…" Leon's heart started racing. He could feel his palms sweating.

"Hm?"

"Do you… would you like to go to the movies with me, Friday?" Leon felt his face reddening.

"Why not with Sephiroth?"

"Well… uh…"

"You mean like a date?" Cloud said that in way that sounded like he wouldn't touch Leon with a ten meter pole. Leon stood up before Cloud could see him cry.

"Forget it." Leon said and calmly walked away. Cloud was left sitting alone at the beach. He looked down at his watch and gasped. He was meant to be at Sephiroth's house nearly an hour ago. He ran down the street, hoping Sephy wasn't mad at him. When he reached the house he knocked on the door and it opened almost instantly. Sephiroth reached out from the doorway, grabbed Cloud's wrist and pulled him inside. Cloud, sweating from his journey, ran up the stairs after Sephiroth. Sephiroth pulled them both into a dark room and shut the door. Cloud waited in the dark, panting, as Sephiroth made his way to the window and opened the curtains.

The light shone through the window and made Sephiroth's hair shimmer. Cloud smiled and walked toward Sephiroth. Sephiroth opened the window and his long, silver hair blew in the wind. Cloud wanted to touch it, but Sephiroth turned around. They both exchanged smiles and at on the bed. Sephiroth reached out and took Cloud's hand. He entwined their fingers together. Both Cloud and Sephiroth smiled at the sign of being together as one. Sephiroth moved in closer to Cloud. He leaned down slightly and kissed Cloud softly. Cloud returned the kiss then Sephiroth pulled away.

"You're late" Sephiroth stated simply and sweetly. Cloud was too lost in the previous kiss to think of an excuse.

"I know, I'm sorry"

"Don't be sorry, do something about it." That is one of Sephiroth's favorite quotes and Cloud knew that. He also knew that Sephiroth always got what he wanted when he said that. Cloud grinned and swung his legs across Sephy's lap. He unlinked their hands and wrapped his arms around Sephiroth's neck. Cloud kissed Sephiroth gently and immediately Sephiroth returned the kiss. They both opened their mouths letting each other re-explore familiar territory. Cloud's mind seemed blank while lost in the kiss. Then for a moment he pictured Sephiroth was Leon. Quickly Cloud pulled away and faced away from Sephiroth.

Sephiroth kissed up Cloud's neck and whispered in his ear, "What's wrong?" The sweet word in Cloud's ear made him swoon so he soon forgot about Leon.

"Nothing" he replied. Cloud went straight back to Sephiroth with tongue. Sephiroth slowly pushed Cloud back onto the bed. He pulled away for a moment and brushed all his hair to the window side. When they returned to their passionate kiss Cloud moved his arms from around Sephiroth's neck to around his waist. His hands slowly began creeping ups Sephiroth's shirt. As Cloud felt along Sephiroth's back he felt a long scar. It reminded him of the one on Leon's face. Again Cloud pulled away and turned his head. Why does he keep thinking of Leon? He opened his eyes at looked at the doorway. There stood at shocked and amused teenage boy. Cloud gasped in horror.

"What's wrong now, sexy? Can I call you that?" Sephiroth asked, leaning on one arm and twirling Cloud's silky, blonde hair with the other. Cloud still just stared wide-eyed at the doorway. Sephiroth turned to see what Cloud was staring at. "Riku! Sephiroth shouted as he quickly got off Cloud. "I wasn't… it's not…"

"Yesterday, in the rain… you and him…" Riku said, slightly amused.

"No, Riku!… shit… get out of my room!" Riku tried to keep cool and calmly walked away. Cloud and Sephiroth both sat up.

"I never should have come." Cloud said, almost in tears. He was facing the floor.

"No, Cloud, don't be like that." Sephiroth brushed back Cloud's hair and brought his hand down Cloud's face and rested it under his chin. He gently tilted Cloud's head to face him. Sephiroth saw how pretty Cloud looked when he was sad. He felt so bad and decided to kill his brother later. Sephiroth leaned down and Kissed Cloud softly.

"I should go now." Cloud said, almost whispering. "I'll call you tomorrow." Sephiroth wanted to stay with Cloud forever, but decided it was better to let him go.

** The Strife place **

Sora sat and stared at the blank TV screen. Slowly he lifted a trembling hand and placed his fingertips on his lips. Was it all real? Sora had no idea Kairi felt that way. How long had she been holding that back? Sora sat in confusion until the door swung open. Elle was back. Sora needed his mom at that time. He really needed to let out his confusion and hold someone.

Sora's mom walked into the kitchen and put her bag on the bench. As she exited she went wide-eyed to see a figure blocking her way. The figure began to approach her, just like before… "No…" she whispered to herself.

Sora threw out his arms expecting a hug from his mother, but instead he felt cold, hard hands on his shoulders. Sora was then thrown back into a wall with a strength no-one knew Elle had. Elle then ran out as fast as she could screaming, "Don't touch me!"

Sora moaned, sitting with his back to the wall. He dizzily looked up and saw through blurry vision that Elle was gone. He raised his hand to feel the back of his head. As soon as he touched it he felt intense pain and collapsed.

There was a noise at the door meaning Cloud was home. Cloud walked in and looked across the entrance hall to see his little brother curled up on the floor in pain. Behind Sora Cloud could see a large sent in the wall with cracked paint. Cloud dropped his keys and ran to the poor boy.

"Sora! What happened? Can you hear me? Sora!" cloud kneeled down and beside Sora and picked up the young boy's upper half and cradled him in his arms. Cloud gently shook the boy, hoping to wake Sora or get a response.

"Sora! Sora, come on!"

Sora moaned and blinked his eyes open. He looked up to see Cloud's worried face.

"Sora! Are you ok? What happened?"

"I'm fine, just have a headache. Can you let go of me please?" Cloud slowly released and stood up. Sora sat on the floor and rubbed the back of his head.

"Are you sure you're ok? You were out cold! What happened? Where's…" Cloud suddenly stopped. His face drained of all color. He was staring at the hand Sora was just rubbing his head with. Cloud started to shake. "S-S-Sora! You're b-bleeding! Oh fuck! Oh shit! He's going to die!"

Sora examined his hand for a moment. He saw a tiny bead of blood roll down is fingers. Sora frowned and stood up. He'd seen more blood come form his arm. Sora raised the other arm and with one swing he slapped his older brother. Cloud was shocked.

"I'm not going to die. It's a tiny bit of blood, get a hold of yourself."

"You slapped me?" Cloud smirked realizing his little brother really as fine. "That's such a girly thing to do."

"Ok then," Sora replied and punched Cloud in the arm.

"Much better!" Cloud grinned "But you really need to work on strength." Sora frowned and started to walk away. Cloud narrowed his eyes at the back of Sora's head. "Sora? You're going to wash your hair right?"

"And you said _I _was girly?"

"Dude, just saying" Cloud threw his arms up "coz it looks really nasty! Beside hair is a guy thing. Only real men spend hours in front of the mirror" Cloud and Sora exchanged smiles. The phone rang. Cloud was closer so he answered it.

"Hello, Strife place, Cloud speaking." All Cloud got as a reply as the laughter of a familiar voice. Cloud's bright expression dropped. "What do you want, Riku?"

"Chillax! I just want to talk to Sora; I'm not going to tell him." Cloud carried the cordless phone over to his brother and handed it to him. Sora opened his eyes wide and shook his head, indication he didn't want to talk to Riku. Cloud just shrugged and turned away.

"What is it, Riku?"

"You'll never guess what I saw today. It involves people you know and love" Instantly Sora thought of things Riku could see on Namine.

"What _did _you see Riku?" Sora asked through gritted teeth.

"Well my brother and your brother… well they were… yeah, you know."

"What?"

"Making out! Dude, they're gay!"

"What's wrong with that?"

"What's wrong with _you_, Sora?"

"Nothing! Riku, what's wrong with you! Your head must be so screwed up! There is nothing wrong with two males in love! Love is love, either way! It's their choice and you have nothing to do with it. If I'm cool with it then why aren't you? For God's sake, HE IS YOUR BROTHER!"

"I-I just thought you should know…"

"I already knew! You know what else I know? You and Namine are together. I saw you with her you bastard! And you know what? Just have her, ok? I don't care anymore!" With that, Sora pushed the button to hang up and hurled the phone at the wall. Then he thought for a moment. Was it Riku he was jealous of… or was it Namine?

"Cloud… Do we have any sticky-tape?"

FR: wow, I did it! I have started the next chapter: _contacting the heart_. Hope you all enjoyed this chapter and sorry for the wait.

I'm going to answer a few questions that might come up now. Ok first of all you'll find out the story of Sephy's scar later. Maybe chap 6. The reason why there was a large dent in the wall is because I know it's possible and painful. The walls obviously aren't really tough. You will find out Elle's story later… You're just going to have to pick up hints for now. I think the biggest hint is in chap 6 and chap 7 you'll find out (yes I do have this all planned out). Hmm… right now I can't think of anything else so ask questions in the review and leave your e-mail so I can reply.


	5. Contacting the heart

SORRY! I know it took so long to write! Just been lazy! I'm also writing another story, "true emotions" but I might change the title later… I'm also co-authoring 2 other stories. Well I have this chap done and half of the next. Once again I'm sorry. Enjoy!

RIP magic pen tear hi new MP!

**Chapter 5 – Contacting the heart**

Sometimes it's hard to know what your heart really wants. Your heart always knows what's best, but finding out what it wants isn't always a simple task.

As if Sora's mom hadn't hurt him enough the previous day, Sora still drew the blade down his arm. It had become an unstoppable routine for Sora, he was addicted. What made it worse was that more reason to do it kept coming. The girl he loves doesn't like him, he had a fight with his best friend who he wasn't talking to anyway, his other good friend was acting weird and his mother was also being weird and tried to hurt him.

But what Sora hated most was that he didn't know what he really wanted anymore. The more he thought about it, the more frustrated he got. Sora hated confusion, he hated anger. He wasn't sure if he liked Namine at all anymore. Was he ever going to talk to Riku again? Maybe he liked Kairi? She was so sweet and had always been a great friend… but that was the problem; she was just a friend. He liked Namine, even though she was so… sluttish. No, he didn't like either of them. But why did his heart beat faster at the mere thought of them?

Sora couldn't stand the confusion; it made him angry. He had to let out his confusion and anger. Sora picked up his blade again. He angrily thrust it into his skin and drew it down his arm. Sora pushed harder than ever before, the blade forced deeper in his skin. The sickly sweet sensation of pain swept over Sora. He loved the feeling of control, power and getting rid of anger and frustration. Sora looked down at his arm and saw the color of pain, passion and betrayal. He saw red and a lot of it. The red spread and Sora smiled dizzily at his accomplishment. He waited for it to stop like it normally did. The blood didn't stop coming. Sora felt a wave of panic. He kneeled on the floor, careful not to touch the cream carpet with his red arm. Sora reached under the bed and retrieved a bandage. Too scared to leave the room to wash his arm, Sora slowly started wrapping his arm. When he finished, Sora looked around the room and realized he had nothing to hold the bandage together with.

Holding his arm the whole time, Sora silently made his way to the study. Carefully he put his arm on the table and used his good hand to search the draws. He couldn't find any pins, but he did find tape. He put on a lot of tape to stick the material together. Once finished, Sora crept back to his room. Along the way he could faintly hear Cloud practicing chords. Sora decided to quickly go into his room, grab his jacket then go listen to Cloud. When he arrived at the door to Cloud's room the mixture of music and blood loss made him slightly dizzy. He opened the door and staggered into Cloud's room. Sora rested himself next to a disturbed Cloud.

"What's wrong?" Sora asked as he looked up at Cloud. Then he looked at the guitar on Cloud's lap. "What are you working on?"

"A song" Cloud replied, forcing back tears.

"What song?" Sora asked curiously. He hoped it was a new song to enjoy.

"Your song." Sora blinked. He didn't know whether to be excited or scared.

"You put music to my lyrics? But how did you… did you sneak into my room?"

"I couldn't help it! There was something wrong with you and then I found the book and the lyrics were just so… perfect"

"Wow" Sora replied to Clouds fast reply. Cloud finally exploded into tears.

"Why do you do it Sora?"

"Do what?" Sora asked, hoping Cloud wasn't talking about his arm.

"I saw the blood; in your room and on the paper!"

"What?" Sora decided to play dumb.

"Sora, show me your arm!" Cloud demanded. Sora stood up.

"No! There's nothing wrong with it!" Cloud reached out and grabbed Sora's good arm. "Let me go! I'm fine!"

"If you're fine then why can't you show me your arm?" Sora gave in and took off his jacket. Cloud saw scars and a bandage. He held a hand across his mouth in shock. Sora burst into tears at the sight of Cloud's face.

"I'm sorry!" Sora shouted.

"No, Sora! You need help!"

"No! You can't tell anyone! Please! I – I think it's over now anyway; I've stopped doing it" Sora lied.

"Why are you still bleeding then?"

"Because… It just keeps re-opening."

"Are you sure you're ok?" Cloud asked, feeling Sora's arm.

"Yes, Cloud. Stop touching me!" Sora jerked his arm away.

"Why did you do it?" Sora just gave Cloud a blank stare. Cloud reached out and took Sora's arm again. He understood why Sora couldn't reply. Cloud took another quick look over Sora's arm. "You know you really suck at wrapping bandages. Wait here" Cloud disappeared from the room and returned with fresh bandages and a safety pin. Sora wondered quickly where Cloud got them, but let it go quickly.

"Hold still." Cloud said, while taking Sora's arm once more. Carefully he unwrapped the bandage that was carelessly wrapped on Sora's arm. He wiped Sora's arm with disinfectant and placed a gauze pad over the deepest cut. Then Cloud began to wrap the fresh bandage around Sora's arm. Once finished, cloud secured it with a safety pin and gave Sora a quick smile.

"Thank you Ms… I'm sorry nurse, but you're not wearing a nametag" Cloud scowled. _At least he still has a sense of humor, no matter how bad his jokes are_, Cloud thought to himself.

"Whatever." Cloud replied. "Now get out of my room." Sora smiled, hugged Cloud and left.

While Cloud was fixing his arm, Sora thought about everything. He made a decision. He made his way back to his bedroom, found his cell phone and closed the door. He dialed a number and waited. The line connected and Sora could hear it ring. Each ring through Sora's ears made him dizzy.

Silence, click, "Hello?"

"Hi, it's me, Sora."

"Oh, hi. Umm…" The girl on the other end cleared her voice. "About before… listen, I …"

"No, Wait!" Sora interrupted, "You listen. I wanted to know if maybe you were free tomorrow night. Maybe we could catch a movie together?" Silence.

"Are you being serious?"

"Yeah, I'm serious."

"No way! This is a prank!"

"No, Kairi, listen. I really like you and I'm sorry about yesterday. I really do want to go out with you." More silence. Somehow Sora didn't feel right saying all that. He pushed the feeling away and waited for a reply.

"Ok I'll meet you there tomorrow at seven"

"It's a date!" Sora smiled and his stomach flipped. It wasn't so much as a nervous flip, but more of a worried flip. Sora ignored it and looked for something to occupy himself with. He remembered Cloud was working on his song so he returned to Cloud's room. He reached the door and heard voices. Being a curious person Sora decided to listen. It sounded like Cloud was on the phone because his voice paused every now and then.

"Tomorrow at seven? Sounds good… cool. What movie? … No you choose! … Aw fine, you're so cute. How about Corpse bride? ... Ok, see you then. Bye"

Sora knocked on the door. He heard shuffling in the room then Cloud appeared.

"I forgot to ask… can I listen to the song?"

"Ok, but it's not done yet." Cloud picked up his guitar and sat on his bed. He began to play music he had written. Sora liked the new tune. He sat down and Cloud stopped playing.

"What inspired you to write it?" Cloud asked. He was worried abut his little brother.

"I guess a lot of stuff has been happening and… I'm not really into the whole diary thing." Cloud looked over the lyrics again.

"Did this really happen to you?"

"Well, sort of." Sora's eyes filled with tears.

"Listen, Sora; Namine's a bitch, ok? That's why I prefer guys."

"But… It's not… It's not about her anymore. It's Riku. He's meant to be my best friend, but then… well I don't know if I can ever look at him again. After a single moment everything changed. I thought I loved Namine, but I don't know anymore."

Cloud thought for a moment. "Maybe you're jealous. Maybe that's why you don't like Namine right now." Sora was stunned for a moment. "Sora, you need to think about this more."

"Maybe you're right. I'm jealous of Riku… so maybe jealously is stronger than my liking for Namine, and it's just lust."

"First of all, what? And secondly… that's not really what I meant… maybe you like… never mind. You really need to get in contact with your feelings."

"What? I'm a guy! Guys don't have feelings!"

"Sora, that's bullshit and you know it. Do you even remember what you were just saying?"

Sora cast his eyes down and thought of something to change the conversation. "Can you drop me off at the movies tomorrow night… at around quarter to 7?"

"Who are you going with? What cinema? What movie? Why seven?"

Sora smirked. "You seem jumpy Cloud"

"Just answer me!"

"Ok, calm down. With Kairi, the only one, don't know and because she said so."

"Wait… What were the questions?"

Sora rolled his eyes and sighed. "So can you take me or not?"

"I guess so, but you owe me." Sora rolled his eyes again. He was actually hoping that Cloud would say no, but he also wanted to go and spy on Cloud. Suddenly Sora realized something from the previous conversation.

"How did you know it was Namine and Riku?"

Cloud just smiled and began playing his guitar again. Sora frowned and left to go back to his room.

FR: Well I'm glad that's over. The next chapter is half done, but writers block has had a tight hold on me for a couple of months now. Well I started a new story as well which contains even more angst than this one! Double the love scenes too… possibly. I will hopefully continue with the next chapter SOON of deep cuts.

Just letting you know I cut out a scene that might be important later so I might put it back in, in another chapter. This story is getting hard because there is so much I want to do with Cloud's side and Sora's side is moving too fast. After the next chapter I think Sora will have to be cut out a little more… sorry about that. I also have to fit in Elle somewhere. When I am done with this I think there might be a sequel!

One other thing – my other story is DOA! I would love it if you would just click on it for the sake of getting another hit! You don't have to, but If you actually like this story you might like the other one too.


End file.
